Writing is, by nature, a solitary pursuit.
Many of us work hard to carve out time to be alone, prioritizing writing above all else in an effort to find our creative voice. I did that for many years, gradually building a professional life that would support me while also allowing me to have the alone time I needed to dive deep and improve my writing skills.
In our dedication, though, we can sometimes cut ourselves off from the world. This type of isolation can lead to more writing and greater artistic clarity, but it may also let loneliness creep in, making the writing process feel daunting rather than rewarding.
How do we sustain a rewarding writing life by balancing solitude with meaningful connection? It’s not an easy balance to maintain, but there are steps we can take to course-correct when needed.
Writing and Loneliness: The Difference Between Being Alone and Feeling Lonely
Solitude is a writer’s best friend, really. It allows for deep thinking, uninterrupted creation, and the quiet needed to hear your own voice.
Loneliness, on the other hand, is a sense of disconnection and longing for companionship.
I like the way Alistair Humphries, author and filmmaker, puts it:
“Loneliness is a negative state, marked by a sense of isolation. One feels that something is missing. It is possible to be with people and still feel lonely—perhaps the most bitter form of loneliness.
“Solitude is the state of being alone without being lonely. It is a positive and constructive state of engagement with oneself. Solitude is desirable, a state of being alone where you provide yourself wonderful and sufficient company.”
In other words, just because you’re alone, that doesn’t automatically mean you’re lonely. If your characters are keeping you company and you’re thriving with the solitude you have to create, then don’t think twice about it and go full steam ahead.
It’s only if you feel like something is missing that you may want to pay attention. Maybe one day, after a long writing session, ask yourself: do you feel recharged, or do you feel adrift and detached from others? If it’s the latter, it’s time to find ways to incorporate connection into your creative life.
Keep in mind that we’re all different here. Some of us need more connection to thrive, while others need less. (If you’d like to know which you are, take the Master Writer Mindset Type quiz here!) Knowing yourself and what you need is the first step toward making sure you get it.
Writing and Loneliness: Make a Point to Get Socially Active
When writing takes up all your time, social connections can suffer. If you start to feel lonely, it’s essential to make time for social activities. Even if you’re an introvert and typically shy away from these types of engagements, you want to recognize that you need some interaction to prevent your loneliness from getting worse.
You can get involved with your community by joining a group that shares your interests, taking a class, or volunteering. You could even try scheduling social activities around your writing sessions.
Here are some examples of how you could do this:
- Start or end your writing session with a check-in. This could be a quick call to a friend, a chat with a fellow writer, or even a brief journaling session about how you’re feeling.
- Join a co-writing group. Virtual or in-person writing meetups can provide accountability and companionship.
- Plan breaks around people. Whether it’s a coffee date, a walk with a friend, or even running errands, small interactions can keep loneliness at bay.
Me? I play French horn in local music groups. It gets me out and engaging with music colleagues, which always helps give me that human interaction I need, plus I enjoy making music with others.
Writing and Loneliness: Engage with Writing Communities
One of the best ways to combat loneliness is to connect with people who understand the writing life. No one else gets it like our fellow writers do! They experience similar struggles, and they know what it’s like.
If you can find some writing buddies, they can be a good source of encouragement, feedback, and friendship.
- Find a local or virtual writing group. Many cities have writing meetups, critique groups, or literary gatherings. If in-person events aren’t an option, online forums and writing communities, such as Scribophile, Critique Circle, or Facebook groups for writers, can be helpful alternatives.
- Attend writing workshops and conferences. I’m a huge fan of in-person conferences. They allow you to meet other writers, learn from experts, and build a sense of belonging. Connections I’ve made at conferences have often lasted for many years.
- Participate in writing challenges. NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) is over, but other writing challenges can create a shared experience, fostering camaraderie among writers.
Writing and Loneliness: Balance Online and Offline Connections
Social media can be a powerful tool for writers to connect, and online communities can help you feel less alone, but remember that nothing replaces in-person interaction when it comes to boosting emotional and mental health.
Indeed, research has shown that in-person connections contribute to better mental health, reducing stress and feelings of loneliness while increasing overall well-being. In a 2018 study where researchers compared online with in-person interactions, they found that those who spent more time on social media and less time on personal interactions were more likely to feel lonely and depressed than those who invested more time in in-person relationships.
That’s why it’s important to balance your online interactions with offline connections by:
- Scheduling video chats with writer friends.
- Attending in-person literary events when possible.
- Writing letters or emails to fellow creatives instead of relying solely on social media.
- Getting involved in your community in some way that fosters in-person interaction.
Writing and Loneliness: Try Collaborating on Creative Projects
Many writers love the act of writing alone. But if you’re feeling lonely, it could be that you might enjoy working with another writer. (Certain mindset types really thrive doing this!) Collaboration introduces fresh energy into your process and builds relationships in meaningful ways.
- Co-author a book or article. If you enjoy working with others, consider a joint project with another writer.
- Start a writer’s accountability group. Meeting regularly with a few writers to share progress and feedback can foster deeper connections.
- Contribute to anthologies or literary magazines. Being part of a collective project provides a sense of community and shared purpose.
- Join another writer for an event. I’ve really enjoyed getting together with other writers to sell books at local craft fairs. It costs less when you do it together and makes it a fun event, no matter how many books you sell.
- Talk to your local schools. I’ve also enjoyed giving presentations to high school creative writing classes. It gives me the chance to share my writing knowledge while introducing them to my work, and at the same time, allows me to encourage their creativity.
Writing and Loneliness: Step Away from the Desk and Into the World
Spending all day at your desk can intensify loneliness. I’ve found it really helpful to schedule regular writing “outings” where I grab my laptop or notebook and head out to some “other place”—anywhere but my everyday writing space.
Try writing in public. Cafés, parks, and libraries can offer the presence of people without requiring direct social interaction. Often, I’m amazed at how much my productivity increases when writing at these locations. There’s something about having others around that can sharpen my thinking, particularly when I’m editing.
Acknowledge and Address Emotional Loneliness
Sometimes, loneliness goes beyond writing and stems from deeper emotional needs. Ignoring these feelings or brushing them aside can lead to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and even creative paralysis.
According to a study published in Perspectives on Psychological Science, loneliness is linked to increased risks of heart disease, high blood pressure, and weakened immune function. A report from the National Institute on Aging also suggests that prolonged loneliness can contribute to cognitive decline and a higher risk of dementia.
Acknowledging loneliness is important because it allows you to address it in a healthy way rather than letting it fester and become a long-term struggle.
How can you tell if your loneliness may be getting serious? Ask yourself these questions:
- Do you feel a persistent emptiness even after completing a productive writing session?
- Do you long for meaningful conversations or find yourself avoiding social interactions out of habit rather than preference?
- Do you find yourself craving deep conversations but hesitating to reach out?
- Have you started feeling indifferent toward social invitations that you once enjoyed?
If you said “yes” to any of these, it may be time to get serious about reconnecting with others. Ignoring loneliness can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and a sense of disconnection from both your work and the world around you. If feelings of isolation persist, consider:
- Seeking professional support. Therapists or coaches who understand the creative life can help navigate feelings of isolation.
- Reaching out to trusted friends or family. Honest conversations can help bridge emotional gaps.
- Practicing self-compassion. Accept that loneliness is a natural part of the human experience and find ways to nurture yourself through it. This is the time to be super kind to yourself!
Writing and Loneliness: Celebrate Your Writing as a Bridge to Others
Writing connects us to people in ways we may not always see immediately. Even when writing feels lonely, your words have the power to resonate with readers, spark conversations, and build communities. Celebrate your work as a tool for connection:
- Share your work. Whether through blogs, newsletters, or social media, sharing your words invites interaction and support.
- Engage with your readers. Responding to comments and messages can remind you that your writing matters to others.
- View writing as a dialogue. Imagine your work as part of a larger literary conversation rather than a solitary act.
Conclusion: Embrace a Balanced Writing Life
You may desire as much solitude as you can get, but it’s important to stay as creatively sharp as you can. That means you need at least some social interaction! Find what works for you and make a point to keep it going in your life.