Oh, the dreaded inner critic. Every writer knows exactly what theirs sounds like. It’s the soundtrack to your life, impossible to miss.
Your inner critic has the power to stop you in your tracks and hold you stuck for days, months, even years, blocking your creative flow and swirling you in thoughts of doubt until you no longer believe in yourself. You’ve battled it, ignored it, dialogued with it, and still it persists. You feel your time and energy draining away, your creative flow drying to inconsistent dust.
It’s time to cure your inner critic and get your creative flow back!
What is the inner critic really?
Beyond the voices in your head insisting you and your writing isn’t good enough, what is the inner critic? Why is it so persistent and demanding?
The familiar soundtrack of:
“What if I’m rejected? What if no one likes it?”
“I don’t know what’s going to happen next.”
“What if I find out I’ve been creative and powerful all along and I wasted years?”
“I poured my heart and soul into this writing and no one understands.”
Whatever your particular soundtrack is, the one thing they all have in common is FEAR. Fear of the unknown, fear of being rejected, fear of uncertainty, fear of missing out, fear of being misunderstood, fear of being exposed and ridiculed.
What if the inner critic you’ve been battling and ignoring, has something vital to tell you? A key to unlock more creativity, more opportunities, more flow. Accepting its presence and learning to love the information it brings you is the cure, the medicine, that unlocks your creative flow.
My Inner Critic Journey
As a Life Coach, Writer, and Entrepreneur, I’ve been up close and personal with my inner critic for years. The more I tried to forge ahead into my creative pursuits the louder my inner critic got. There was a war between my mind and soul.
My mind desired to protect me at all costs, even if that meant sacrificing my creativity and my soul’s calling to put my work into the world.
My soul desired to create, write and express freely, make a difference in the world, change lives, and find the kind of freedom only found in pursuing the thing I knew I was meant to do.
This war creates a start/stop pattern. You know what I’m talking about. You get all excited for a new project, start it, and then somehow it falls away unfinished and unthought of. Or if you do think of it again it provokes such anxiety you quickly forget it once again.
I fought this war every day. Some battles I won and some I lost. There were days my inner critic spiraled me down so hard it felt like I’d been body slammed into the ground. It’s hard to get back up after that, but you do. The calling to write, to create, to express your heart and soul is such a deep need you try again and again.
What Didn’t Work for Me in Dealing with My Inner Critic
I quickly discovered ignoring, fighting, and even reasoning with my inner critic only made it angry and louder. What you resist persists. Never have I found it to be so true as with my fearful inner critic. That didn’t stop me from trying very hard at these strategies however! When faced with an obstacle and no clear way forward, what else is there to do except run at it in hopes of conquering it?
My inner critic, and likely yours too, strongly dislikes being seen as a problem, something to make go away, or something to fix. As with anyone trying to drive a point home, it got louder, more insistent, and more demanding. I felt such rage, anger, sadness, and despair trying it this way. It hurt. I decided I needed a more sophisticated way to attack my “problem”.
Through life coaching, I discovered inner dialoguing and rewriting thoughts tools—excellent tools that I highly recommend, but completely ineffective in calming my inner critic. Why?
As long as I was seeing my inner critic as a problem to solve, I was resisting the very things needed to allow these tools to work: acceptance, curiosity, listening, and love.
Without these things as a prelude, inner dialoguing and thought work was frustrating, largely ineffective, and a huge expenditure of time and energy. While it felt like I was making headway spending hours at a time on these tools, when push came to shove, my inner critic was the same as before.
Then one day I stumbled upon the cure. I went from being in a start and stop pattern for years that didn’t really let me get any progress going to writing weekly blurbs and monthly articles for the life coaching business I created.
What Worked for Me in Dealing with My Inner Critic
I realized every time I was able to calm my inner critic and peacefully work on my soul’s creative calling, there was a specific pattern of things I did.
Acceptance
I was crumbling under the pressure, wondering if I should just give up my writing. I was tired, dejected, worn down, and sad. Too tired to ignore or fight it anymore, I accepted its presence. I asked, “Why are you here?”, and something clicked.
In my moment of acceptance, allowing my inner critic, my fears, to be here without ignoring it or fighting against it or reasoning it away, it became so very clear this was a part of me, a scared part, trying to protect me against being rejected.
Accepting that I had an inner critic and fears, allowed them to finally come forward with their message.
Curiosity
Once I accepted there was something here for me, I got curious what it was. I welcomed my inner critic and fears as if they were an old friend to catch up with. Once I stopped resisting them, they weren’t so scary. The message was often simple. “I don’t want you to feel the pain of rejection.” “I want to feel safe instead of uncertain.” “I want to feel valued and understood.” “I want to feel like I belong.”
Love
I’m reminded of a young, scared child coming with their hurts and fears. It felt like the most natural thing to wrap them in a loving hug and reassure them. “I’ve got you. You are safe. I’m here for you. You belong with me. You can come to me anytime you need reassurance.”
Connection
Now knowing my fears and tender vulnerable parts, I connected to my body. I felt the tender fears of my inner critic, the love and reassurance I now showed it. I asked, “How can I create safety for myself even in uncertainty?”
“How can I give love and reassurance to both my fearful inner critic and my fearless soul’s creativity?”
“What is a way I can move forward that feels good for both parts—mind and soul, inner critic and creativity?”
Listen
I listened to what came through. Part intuition, part wisdom of my body, part logic of the mind. And in bringing all the parts of me together, there was peace.
All the things I’d tried before weren’t working because I was treating it as a thought problem so I was using thoughts and logic to try and solve it. But as soon as I realized it was an emotional level problem, I began using an emotional level solution and that made all the difference. You can’t solve an emotional level problem with logic, only an emotional level solution will solve an emotional level problem.
The Cure
Here is the process I took myself through that finally quieted my inner critic. Based on The Watcher exercise by Life Coach Martha Beck, I’ve added my own notes with what I’ve found helpful.
1. Let’s get you into your body. Feel your body relax into your chair. Let your muscles relax one by one as you allow the chair to hold you. Exhale your breath. Relax your belly and let it soften. Allow any extra energy though by shaking it out though your arms and legs. Notice your breath going in and out. No need to change anything, just noticing.
2. Now imagine something, some place, or someone you love. Feel that warm glow of love in your heart space. Focus on that love for a minute, directing your breath into your loving heart space.
3. Hold up your right hand, palm up. Imagine a miniature version of your inner critic there in your hand. It can be helpful to picture it as a small child to promote your desire to protect and reassure it. It’s scared, panicky, worried about the unknown. Hear what it feels and says briefly.
4. Send that part of you so much love from your loving heart space. And say out loud to your inner critic:
“I see you, I hear you, I love you, be free.”
Say this until you mean it with all your loving heart and you feel the tension in your body ease.
5. Keep your right hand palm up. Hold your left hand palm up. Imagine a miniature version of yourself bewildered and frustrated by the inner critic. The part of you that wants to move forward even though it’s unknown and a bit scary. Hear what it feels and says briefly.
6. Send that part of you so much love from your loving heart space. And say out loud to your bewildered self:
“I see you, I hear you, I love you, be free.”
Say this until you mean it with all your loving heart and you feel the tension in your body ease. You may find it easier to be loving to this part.
7. Keeping both hands palm up, send love and compassion to both parts that are trying to keep you safe. The inner critic, the worried one, wants to keep you safe by doing things the same way, the way you know how things turn out. The frustrated, bewildered one wants to keep you safe by doing something new, by growing and living in the present.
Keep giving them so much love until they feel loved by you.
8. Say out loud to both your right and left palm:
“Be well, my dear one.
Be safe, my love.
Live in joy and peace sweet friend.”
9. Bring both hands together palm to palm. All parts of you are seen, heard, and loved. Breathe in through your nose and let the air whoosh out of your mouth with a sigh.
Continue this practice every time you feel the battle with your inner critic coming back up within you.
I had this hanging on my wall for six months and practiced it daily until the battle within me ceased. Why it works: in this one tool you are connecting, accepting, loving, getting curious, and listening. This is the vital pre-work needed to allow your fears, your inner critic, to give you the key to moving forward. When all parts of you feel seen, heard, and loved there is peace.
Now I pull it out whenever I need it. I would love to know if this gave you as much relief as it did me. Give it a try and let me know.
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Leah Payne, Life Coach
Helping women move through fear and into their deepest desires.
Leah blends body-based practices with powerful mindset tools to guide women out of fear and other emotional blocks—like the inner critic—and into clarity, confidence, and forward motion. After facing fear for years around love, relationships, writing, and starting a coaching business, she developed a transformative method to turn fear into power.
She’s currently offering a free class: Turning Fear Into Desire — Tap to join.
Follow @leahpaynecoaching for resources, reflections, and support on your journey.
Leah, I am so proud of you! I love the article! It is very deep and powerful! You go girl! 💕💕💕